Rest In Peace, Baby Mange.

Sometimes I cry because I can’t sleep, or because I’m frustrated in traffic going to Wal-Mart. Sometimes I cry at fake, emotional moments created for a television or movie screen. Sometimes I cry because I’m 25 and have poor money management skills & can’t stop eating pizza.

And then, today, I cried because Baby Mango died.

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And guess what, that super sucks. Mangey lived a very adventurous life. First he was given to me by a good friend who was awaiting the arrival of their first child & moving out of state. From there Mango apartment hopped, boyfriend hopped, lived with my cousin for a little bit, and even moved to a different state where he lived out his stoner rebellious age with me & Shrylle. Eventually he was gifted to my dad as a token of my love & generosity as I moved to a couple No Dog’s Allowed apts. All in the course of 5 years.

Mango was survived by his two uncles Jake & Etzel and his uncle Cooper. Also his long lost sister Cheddar. His Will indicates that all toys in the toy graveyard underneath the balcony are still his & should go untouched. Or he will haunt everyone’s asses. He’d also like to ask God for forgiveness for his smelly ass breath, his cat turd eating habits & he’d also kindly like to ask that no one in Heaven calls him Reindeer Butt.



How My Cats Are Helping Me Get Healthy & Fit

You know that Pinterest picture that shows like one jar full of marbles and every marble is a lb and you move the lbs you’ve lost into an empty jar to track your progress?

I got a better idea…


HA! So, here’s the deal I have set a goal for getting fit and losing the equivalent of two kittens & the Boy before I go home for Xmas. And so far, I’ve lost a kitten. Now that’s the kind of motivation I can get down with.

Also, I am so good at Photoshop, I can’t even.

I recently got some free health tests done at work in an RV outside of our office building, which was weird. But these are my results:

Echocardiogram Ultrasound: Normal #holla
Electocardiogram: No significant abnormality seen
Stroke/Carotid Artery Disease: No visual plaque or thickening shown
Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm: No aneurysm seen
Peripheral Arterial Disease: Normal
Arterial Stiffness Index: Normal

And my blood pressure was prehypertension. Which I have never gotten a bad reading on my damn blood pressure and we are going to fault that to the 4 hour fast I had to endure before the tests.

So far, so good, huh? I mean a highly skilled medical technician not only saw me without a shirt on but also told me I was normal. That’s never happened before!

But then there’s this:

Total Cholesterol: Borderline high…
HDL cholesterol: Moderate…
LDL cholesterol: Borderline high…
Triglycerides: Normal
Blood Glucose: Normal
Blood Pressure: Prehypertension
BMI: well, we’ll just say I should have that black card for Taco Bell and if you were to stick a fork in me right now, my blood may actually be pizza sauce.

I debated on whether or not I should get this testing done and honestly, it was a couple months ago and aside from the occasional post work work out. I haven’t really been making an effort to get healthy until now.

But what is healthy? I find myself mostly focusing on that scale number, contemplating never eating pizza again. Which almost always insures I’ll be eating pizza within the hour. Contemplating weight loss pills and other extreme measures to get that quick fix.

Obviously, that’s not going to work. I’m smart enough to know that it’s a lifestyle change, not a magic pill that’s going to get me fit. And I’m smart enough to know that being fit isn’t a number on the scale. So, instead I’m losing cats instead of LBS because it’s cute and I’m going to start focusing on how I feel in my body, not the size of it. And yes, losing weight will change the size of my body but if my body feels healthier, if my body feels stronger and I can get up a flight of stairs without wanting to take a nap in my car before I drive home, I don’t think I’ll need to get back to the 9th grade high school weight.

Side note: My hair is a hit at work, today a coworker told me that every day she sees me with it, she likes even more. and this it just suits my face and my personality. And the cashier upstairs in the cafeteria asked to take a few pictures of my hair so she can take it to her hairdresser and get the same thing. 🙂

I’m a goddamn inspiration.