That Before & After

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 That before, that after & the after after. The many phases of my hair in Washington.

 

& here’s that 2007 throwback, when I had the same exact haircut.

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I liked my long hair, it was pretty amazing. But that was domestic Brooke, I’m about to get married Brooke. Idk man, there’s a profound amount of confidence that I feel with short hair, the kind that makes it possible for me to post that selfie with no make up on & then post a pic from 2007. That takes confidence. Haha

It was a task though, to get it done. I wasn’t about to spend the $100 on highlights & the cut from a salon so naturally, my bargain hunting ass went to Groupon. I found a $45 Groupon for cut, full highlights, deep condition & style. And I must have only saw the price because I did no research on the salon. If I had, I may have spent more money somewhere else. It was kind of a hole in the wall salon, nothing professional. When you walk in, the first room you’re in looks more like a storage room than a business. There’s couches, with boxes piled on & a folded up basket ball hoop game. The room to the left is wasn’t organized at all and had some really tacky decor. It was just me & the hairdresser, we introduced ourselves, went over what I wanted & then she offered to put in a movie since it would take a while. Fine with me, except for the fact that she did not say another word to me the entire time I was there… which was 3 & a half hours by the way. The only thing she said to me was you can come to the sink or come sit underneath the dryer for 15 minutes.

Needless to say, after 3 & a half hours, I was over it. My hair looked nothing like what I wanted and the low lights I wanted were not a soft brown.. they were black. And it wasn’t until I got home that i realized the highlights didn’t even come to my roots, meaning you could see the very obvious line where they laid in my blond hair.

008I ended up cutting my hair myself, at least the front of it but I still didn’t like it. I couldn’t sleep Sunday night because I was contemplating calling off work so I could get my hair fixed somewhere else. But I ended up going to work, and even though everyone was a good sport & complimented me… I went to damn Great Clips right after work & paid $14 to get that shit fixed. I dig the Great Clips in Lakewood, they’re good & the girls who cut my hair are real with me, especially when the one told me that she could see every line cut in the back of my head, that hadn’t be blended at all.

Now, domestic Brooke is dead . And Badass Brooke is revived.

 

 

 

 

My dating life defined by OkCupid

whatever I'll just date myself

In lieu of the last tragic post, I’d like to follow up by saying the only person I’m putting on a pedestal is myself. I’m a beautiful plus size 25 year old lady with two cats, no friends within 100 miles & no future prospects for another diamond ring, And I self identify with the single forever leaders of television… Samantha from Sex and The City, Shane from the L word & Brian Kinney from Queer as Folk.

So why am I sitting in my apartment most weekends pining over becoming the fictional characters in my Netflix queue?

Well, for one.. It’s free. But also, this is what I’m working with:

okcupid2For real, that’s the message my future boyfriend sent me. A fucking solitary ‘period’.

I mean, I love grammar but come on. Everyone knows my favorite punctuation is the ellipses. I didn’t respond but if I would have, I think an appropriate response (via Shrylle) would be a comma.  okcupid5. And then there’s that. If you’re familiar with OkCupid, you’ll know that on profiles it will say ‘Replies often’ or ‘Replies Selectively’… Mine should say, will roll her eyes & block you for next to nothing.

okcupid10It’s true, when I was younger than 19 I met my first boyfriend on Xanga. I empathize but this kids profile said his wardrobe consists of graphic tees, jeans & a hoodie with ear buds hanging around his neck. Come on, honey. Read 50 Shades of Grey & figure out what a real woman wants. (Side note: I never read 50 shades of Grey but don’t worry, my MOM told me all about. :BARF: Also, side note to the side note: The Red Room is in Seattle) okcupid8 My dear, dear Rosa… I just realized this guy was from Canton. Are you guys playing a joke on me!

The only one I’ve gotten my hopes up about lately was a very attractive English teacher who loved playing Scrabble. His first message to me was perfect;

okcupid15.1Which after a little back in forth with my potential Shakespeare essay grading, summer school teaching, drivers ed volunteer husband, he follows up with this:

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Well, at least he was polite. I’m sure his wife would appreciate that.

 

Well first, & foremost let me highlight a few things…

1. It is cosmic payback when you’ve fallen into a habit of leaving one ice cub in the ice cube tray because it pisses off your Dad. And then you do it to yourself, twice in 1 week.

2. My cats know the sound of the ‘treat’ drawer when it opens. I can open the silverware drawer & they do not come running. But the drawer below it, when that opens, they know.

I posted a picture yesterday on my Instagram that garnished a lot of support, which is awesome. Because I love feeling loved and because I was able to take a step back and really appreciate how I was reacting to a situation that I thought would be harder than it was. And maybe the subject does not need to be talked about anymore but I’d like to hash it all out so I don’t have to think about it anymore.

This past weekend was supposed to be my wedding weekend.
This is what I posted on my Instagram, which pretty much sums it all up.

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A little over a year & a half ago I was telling everyone 9/6/2014 was the weekend I’d be getting married. And instead, I spent the day exploring #Seattle on my own like a #girlboss. One time I heard, Your enemies will be in Heaven with you, so I wish that fool nothing but the best. But I can honestly say, spending the day, by myself in my new home felt a million times better than spending the day wondering if my future husband was going to be inebriated when he got up to the alter. Or if his child’s mother was going to ruin my wedding day. I’m a true #chameleon but I’m proud to say I’ve never settled for less than what I deserve. #crazycatlady

There’s a lot of things I’d like to explore in that paragraph, like the idea that your enemies will be in Heaven with you. After Mike & I broke up, I started going to church. I had been going to church pretty regularly since middle school but I don’t think I’d really gone with the intent to listen. But a couple months into my Sunday therapy sessions with Granger Community Church, they preached about this idea that your enemies would be in Heaven with you.

No matter what wrong someone has done to you, they deserve forgiveness just as much as you did. And here’s an idea, God is going to forgive them, so why are you holding that grudge?  Along with this preaching, there was a clear discussion on what forgiveness means. It does not mean that what happened was right or even forgotten, but with forgiveness you take away a persons ability to hold you back, to limit your happiness, to limit your life that is ultimately deterred by drinking poison & waiting for your enemy to die. And chances are, if they’ve asked for God’s forgiveness, they’ll be at the dinner table sitting right across from you in Heaven. And what are you going to do, be mad?

That’s why I choose to wish Mike the best. Sure, I hate what happened & I hate how it happened. But I’d be happy to see him in Heaven, I think he deserves that. Even if he doesn’t know it right now, even if he never does.

What’s important to me is knowing not the outcome of his life, getting revenge or wasting a colossal amount of time feeling angry but instead knowing that the outcome of my life is headed in the right direction. And knowing that the time I spent with Mike was a lesson learned, a lesson I would not have learned without him. And although the ending was tragic, I can see the positive of the situation. It wouldn’t take me long to find someone who’d testify that I was a pretty damn negative person, for a long time too. And even Mike knew that & it took a big struggle with Mike to realize that he was right. And then it took a personal struggle to see that I was relying on relationships to relieve me of that negativity. Man can’t live up to the standards of God, so when you put a man on a pedestal & treat him like a God, expect him to perform God like miracles you’re bound to be disappointed. I understand now that I expected God like perfection out of someone who was flawed. And not flawed by his own choice but simply flawed because he is a human. I’m grateful for the 5 years that completely tore down my foundation and made me rethink my beliefs and recreate myself. I’m only sorry that Mike couldn’t be a part of my life to see how much better of a person I am now. Like the saying goes, some people come into your life as a blessings, others come into your life as a lesson. I’ll give Mike the credit he deserves & say he was both.

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