What Are You Manifesting?

Let me tell you about my awesome day before I get into the specifics.

First & foremost, I woke up without pushing the snooze button. If you do not know my struggles with the snooze button, just know I have three different alarms set, at different intervals to wake me up and I push the snooze button multiple times for each alarm. There is absolutely no value in sleeping for intervals of 7 minutes every morning for an hour. So, this is a large feat. I also got to work 10 minutes early, which is not out of the norm for me but I had a conference call at 8am with one of my districts. Usually, on days of conference calls I don’t really do anything for the hour before and the entire day after the conference call. I usually feel off & don’t accomplish much, I waste the day away without getting any real stuff done. Today was different, I worked for that hour before, did the conference call & worked continuously afterward… like a pro. I made time to chat with my coworkers, compliment someone, learn something new. I honestly felt accomplished and it was great. I had my monthly high balance meeting to go over outstanding accounts over $10k with my Boss & Supervisor and I had no accts over $10k that I wasn’t able to collect on (if I wasn’t able to collect on them, the company would have to create a reserve & write off the balance= bad). My accounts were great, my boss said this is exactly where she wants the accounts to be at. And then she asked me to be a part of the testing group for a new version of the program we work out of that is being updated in September, meaning I would be getting some overtime. By time I left work, I was on cloud 9. Not to mention, I got home with limited stops in traffic, which is absurd for I-5 at 4pm.

I got home, heated up some ‘za, talked to my dad on the phone. Afterward, I found myself cruising articles on the internet, which is something I fall victim to every day and usually leads to me not getting anything done. But after realizing that I was sabotaging my time with Buzzfeed, I got up and cleaned up the apartment & took the trash out. When I took the trash out, I found a perfectly good desk from Ikea sitting by the dumpster, a little beat up but nothing a little TLC couldn’t fix. I cleaned it & now I’m sitting here, writing and I don’t feel the intense urge to take a nap because there’s too much stuff I want to do.

Seems like a pretty awesome day right? Want to know my secret to a successful day, besides pizza?

Manifest The Life You Want

5 Years ago, I would have rolled my eyes at you if you’d told me that. So, if you’re rolling your eyes, I see you & so does the universe. Quit it. I was horribly negative growing up and I never took responsibility for the fact that my thoughts were directly related to what I was experiencing in life. So when my boyfriend cheated on me, of course it was his fault, but did I manifest it? You bet, by being jealous and emotionally controlling. When I didn’t get along with my family, did I manifest it, you bet. With a negative attitude and lack of responsibility for my thoughts & actions I’m sure I was not easy, nor was I a pleasure to be around. When I failed out of college, did I manifest that, sure did with insecurity and lack of obedience and discipline when it came to school work because I had already set my intentions to have a negative lifestyle, things did not work out in a positive manner.

On some levels, you’ve asked for everything in your life.

This is the statement that I read on Belief Net that shook my heart, mind & soul making me take an inventory of my life. What did I like, what didn’t I like and what got me there. What did I believe, what did I tell myself that created the things in my life that I liked and didn’t like. Personality wise, I love that I’m funny. So, I say funny things. Why, because I like the satisfaction of making someone laugh, it makes me feel value in my interactions with humans. It makes me feel ‘liked’. What I don’t like is, I constantly feel tired. I deal with stress by eating & napping. This results in missing out on a lot of opportunities to engage on a day to day basis. It also creates a lot of disappointment because there are goals I want to achieve but often times it’s too stressful for me to cope with. I’ve been lucky to manifest a solid career and manifest the opportunity to move across the country, without even realizing I had any control over it. So, if I had asked for that in my life and I was still feeling shitty, how could I ask to make it even better?

I started my research with 5 Tips for Manifesting What You Want .

1. Clear space/ pray to the universe to release you from the disbelief of your greatness.
2. Get Clear/ Set clear intentions
3. Think it, Feel it, Believe it
4. Chill/ Have faith
5. Know the Universe has your back

Stay Committed to Happiness.

So, I got out a fresh journal I’d gotten as a gift & started a manifestation journal. I said a little prayer to the Universe & God and decided to focus on setting my intentions. I know that I did not want to focus on getting something, such as a check in the mail or well behaved cats, kitty litter that never smells, or a hot boyfriend. I wanted to focus on manifesting a feeling, to me the feeling of being Awake was more valuable than any material possession. I wrote what it meant to me to feel awake, such as inspired, motivated, accomplished, engaged, happy & excited to wake up in the morning, to be alive. And I commanded it, I wrote on a piece of paper, pinned it to my actual wall (not a Pinterest board) and told myself and the Universe; I command that I feel awake.

I’ll admit, I had a little bit of trouble falling asleep and I was thinking this manifestation was backfiring and becoming insomnia. I’m like no, universe I need some sleep. I want to feel awake tomorrow morning! But, maybe I was just excited to get up in the morning and truly feel awake.  I got up in the morning to my first alarm, I got dressed, curled my hair, fed the cats and left for work and you know the rest of the story. And being a little bit selfish, I remember saying out loud as I was leaving for work, “I command some furniture for my apartment.” And what do you know, a perfectly fine desk by the dumpster.

Here’s what I know, you can manifest the life you want. But just know, the Universe &/ or God know what’s best for you. So these things (such as furniture for my apartment) may not come in the way you expect them (free giveaway from Target). You have to be open and accepting to what the Universe is going to give you (such as dumpster furniture, not my first piece either). Put your good energy out there. Attract the things that make you feel happy, awake, fulfilled, accomplished. And remember;

“People who know the outcome can afford to wait & wait without anxiety.”

Body Acceptance

Someone at work asked me today, “So, how much weight have you lost?”

My response: PFFTTTTTTT NONE. Shitttt.

“What do you mean none?! You’re always eating healthy food.”

“Yeah well, I’m not worried about losing weight. I’m just trying to eat healthy.” I said so fucking casually that you might have thought I was telling the truth.

But you know, I think I was telling the truth. Sure, I’d like to lose weight and obviously I didn’t start eating vegetables for my own pleasure. Although now, I actually like eating them. For example, Brussels sprouts are my shit. I ate them with my dinner two days in a row this week. If I had another Steam-able, I’d eat them right meow. Anyway, the point is, yes there are plenty of moments in my life where I feel inadequate, unattractive, invisible and unhappy about my body. I fantasize about coming home and everyone asking if I have a terminal illness because I’ve lost so much weight. I’m pretty sure the best compliment I’ve ever received was when my cousin asked if I was anorexic after I lost 30lbs back in 2009. And yeah, a lot of the time, I think being skinny will make me happy.

Albeit the norm for most women, I know it’s not right. So, instead of worrying about weight, feeling guilty every time I have #pizzatime … Arby’s motzarella sticks or Cheesy Gordita crunches, think I’ll just focus on putting as much healthy food in my body as I do junk food. And not be apologetic about my body.

Want to see a little bit of my inspiration for these feelings?
Check out Kelley Coffey’s article, “5 Things I Miss About Weight More than 300 Pounds” & then check out Huffington Post to see discussion between her & a few other expert Fatactivist, including one of my personal faves: Virgie Tovar.

Kelley Coffey

Huffington Post

XOX Peace & love from a Chub 🙂

“I don’t want to get in to a car accident”

088Here’s proof that your thoughts, whether they are “I don’t want to get in to a car accident” or “I do want to get into a car accident” will manifest either way.

It doesn’t look bad, that’s probably because my irrational fear of dieing on the I-5 every morning manifested into me hitting a parked car in the parking garage. So, I guess I’m lucky in that sense. I was pulling into a parking spot & someone was getting out of their car, it startled me. I stopped turning and attempted to push the brake. But much like my first car accident, when I side swiped a tree, I hit the gas pedal. The damage doesn’t look bad and it wasn’t for the other car either, but considering my front bumper was hanging on my zip ties, I had to take it in to get fixed. Thank god I had the lower deductible for car insurance. And I’ve been driving this 2013 Chevy Malibu with touch screen everything & nice, crisp cool air conditioning. I was supposed to get my car back today but I got an email saying it’ll be another couple days. I hope it’s because they are secretly repairing everything else on my car.

It’s been hot as hell around here, which means I haven’t been doing anything. Except feeling sorry for my cats, who sleep in the bath tub because it’s cooler on their skin than carpet. You know that Pandora commercial (or maybe it’s just direct advertising to me & no one else in the world has heard it) it’s the girl who takes too many pictures of her cat and doesn’t get a second date with some guy… That’s me.

Anyway, I think I found a church I like. It’s called Champion Centre, it’s big and loud like GCC back home. There’s a lot of people there and a lot of young people. When I went last Sunday, the band was full of young Paramore & Relient K look-a-likes that had the whole front section jumping up and down like you would at a Paramore concert. It was pretty cheesy but a better alternative than some other churches. I’ve only gone twice and both times I’ve been 10ish minutes late. The place is packed and both times I’ve sat in the section in front of the Sign Language interpreter. Having taken American Sign Language for four years in high school & loving it, it rekindled a flame.

Anyway, this past Sunday was a good one too. It was about distractions and how the Devil doesn’t mind if you pray to God, worship God, dream of success and even attempt success but he wants to make sure you are distracted & will never be able achieve success or a relationship with God. We live in a world of Tomorrow’s.

Micahn Carter

That was our special guest Pastor for the weekend, talk about a distraction.

I think a lot about distractions, I’m probably distracted by thinking about distractions.I have two cats, no air conditioning, Netflix, a comfortable ass bed. Why would I want to do anything useful when I get home. But then there’s this character flaw I harbor, where I have these great ideas but no follow through. That next great American novel, yeah I’ve got it in my head. That awesome blog that goes viral and gets me famous, yeah.. I paid for the domain name, I know exactly what I want to write but I’ll do it tomorrow. I get off early enough to go for a walk in the sun, go to the beach, go to my free gym, explore the city… but I think I’ll go home and take pictures of my cats and take a nap. Maybe watch Netflix. I get distracted by Instagram when I’m getting out of bed in the morning.

Maybe a lot of my distraction has to do with the amount of time I’m spending by myself. The desire to know what every other person in the world is doing is probably a way to deflect that I’m not doing anything. Cheers to being able to pinpoint what you’re doing wrong and still not knowing how to change. The good news, I’m learning a lot and I’m observing a lot. That can only be a good thing, right? Like how the little Deli/ Mart down the street from me sells bongs made out of Miller Lite bottles, I’m sure that information will come in handy. Eventually.

Maybe it’s fear of failure, although I feel like I have enough self awareness to know that 1. I’ve failed at a lot of things and recovered just fine. And 2. Failure is probably more exciting then binge watching The Mindy Project and watching your weight fluctuate between 5 lbs, while you eat as many veggies as you do tacos in a week. 3. Did we forget the part where I got promoted and moved across the country for a job at 25? How is that not the American dream, I can do anything!